65 Percent Perfect

So, according to that greatest bastion of journalist integrity, the Daily Mail, there is a list of 20 attributes that women find ideal in a guy. All told, I think I come out OK. Here's the list:

1. At least 5'10". Yup, 6'0" to be exact.
2. Good-looking. A matter of opinion of course, but don't think I can give myself the nod for this one. I'm not bad-looking, but neither am I fending off the "world's most beautiful people" award requests. Average-looking is a more suitable descriptor, I'd say.
3. 12.5 stone. That's about 175lbs or 80kg for those of you living in countries that don't use such outdated units of measurement. Also well below my current weight; I'm about 14.5stone/200lbs/92kg at the moment.
   
4. Earns more than £30,000. Um, no, sadly the life of a student doesn't entail 30grand salaries. Soon enough, though, I should easily be in this range.
5. Blue eyes. Yup
6. Short, dark-brown hair. Indeed; very short at the moment, actually.
7. Medium build. I might be a little on the large side of medium, but I think I can still qualify.
8. BA degree. I'm going to give myself the points for this, even though I have a B.Sc., because the article elucidates it somewhat by saying that it's a university education that's valued, rather than specifically the B.A. and I'm the process of going for my Ph.D., so I have no dearth of university education. Plus, chicks dig engineers right? Right? Anybody?
9. Never been married. Another point for me.
10. No children. Nope, no children here.
11. Three previous serious relationships. Well, only one really. A second that could've been had the situation been different, but I'd really have to push the definition of "serious" to be able to count three.
12. Clean-shaven. After much persuasion, I bid adieu about a year and a half ago to the goatee I sported in undergrad, so yes, I am back to being smooth and baby-faced.
13. Drives silver Mercedes. If by "silver Mercedes" you mean "black bicycle", then yes. But realistically, probably not.
14. Enjoys cinema. Even though I haven't been out as much as I'd like of late, going to the cinema is one of my favourite pastimes.
15. Likes eating out. Ignoring the obvious double entendre here, I don't like cooking, and do enjoy a wide variety of well-prepared food. Though I don't eat out often, that's a financial decision (see #4), not a prefernce. I love dining out.
16. Has had few than six sexual partners. Well, this one's a little personal, so let's just skip to the next question.
17. Owns a £300,000 home. Can we just assume I'm going to lose points on any of the characteristics related to actually having money?
18. Doesn't smoke. I hate cigarette smoke, and-at 27 years old-have never even smoked a single cigarette.
19. Dislikes football. True for either American football or actual football (a.k.a. soccer). Sports are just not my cup of tea. The only potential exceptions are quite rare-an odd game of hockey perhaps, a little baseball from time to time and Olympic women's beach volleyball.
20. Likes pets. I was always a cat person when I was a kid, but am increasingly a dog person. I'd love to have either, but sadly my current living situation (a tiny two-bedroom apartment whose residents aren't home between 9AM and 7PM every day and have no money for vet bills etc) is hardly conducive to a happy puppy. But I get the points for this, because I do love pets.

The article specifies a few other things where I might score some bonus points as well. Specifically, the "wacky" sense of humour. I think I can lay claim to that (sometimes bordering on juvenile and/or offensive, but wacky nonetheless). Also, being a cuddly lover. And finally, apparently some women are looking for men who are starting to bald (although the example given is Bruce Willis, which is a pretty high bar to clear. After all, I've never managed to drive a big-ass truck across a collapsing highway while fleeing an F35 Joint Strike Fighter and shouting epithets and witty one-liners).

So, there you go. From the 20-point list, I score a solid 65%, with a few that are liable to get checked off within the first few years of me finishing my degree and actually locating a salary. Not bad eh? Ladies, you know how to reach me. After posting this, I can only imagine the come-ons will start pouring in!

Dating CV

"Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again."

- Franklin P. Jones

Why do we write a CV (curriculum vitae)? To chronicle our experience, in the hopes of conveying our skills, ability and knowledge to potential future employers. A CV (a.k.a. résumé in North America) is a short description of how we want the working world to view us. We list what we can do, and the experience it took to gain such skills, and provide references on request. This cannot give a perfect picture of us as an employee, but certainly creates an image for the people who need to evaluate our suitability.

I think we need to extend this concept to the realm of dating. After all, dating is one of the areas of our lives that has the greatest bearing on our personal happiness, and yet it's basically a crapshoot. We go on dates to learn about the other person, but from the get-go we know next to nothing about them; we essentially choose randomly for something that is intrinsic to our personal contentment. Maybe it's time to start culling the herd before we leap into the fray of dating.

Just as in the job market, there is no "perfect" CV. Different skills are required for different jobs, and different attributes apply to different people. But we cannot gauge the attributes of a potential suitor until it's too late and we're dating them. What if we could pre-filter "applicants" by looking for those with skills we desire? You want someone who knows how to cook? That had better be on their CV. Prefer to date only short (or tall, thin, fat, whatever) partners? Why not have that listed right up front? It wouldn't guarantee a match, but might boost your odds.

Of course, this removes some of the spontaneity, the joy inherent in discovering the attributes that make up your partner; truly this is one of the best things about the early stages of dating, you feel like an intrepid explorer charting new territory. But this joy is tempered with a major risk of failure-you might find out something that's an absolute deal-breaker in your view, something that with adequate warning could have been noted before any risk of heartbreak. This is already done to a degree by those engaging in online dating sites: when you get a list of a potential date's likes, dislikes and more, you are already filtering people based on your criteria. So why not formalise the concept?

Of course, getting references might be tricky. How can you expect an honest reference from an ex if the relationship ended badly? Though you might have many wonderful qualities, the enmity they feel since your breakup could forever colour their feelings. And of course, like any other CV, people will stretch the truth. "I can make a frozen pizza" suddenly becomes "I have an affinity for and exemplary skill in Italian cuisine".

Who knows? Maybe one day we'll enact this, and we'll soon enough see couples on the dance floors of popular clubs, exchanging two-page CVs detailing the highlights of their dating abilities. Past partners will be called for references, and we will weigh up all those who seek our affection. After a thorough, yet expedient evaluative process, we will contact the successful applicant, and they can begin their training. And what's more romantic than bringing mindless corporate logic and efficiency to the world of dating?

So, please use the comments section below to post what you would put on your dating CV.

NOTE: If you have taken this post with even the slightest wisp of seriousness, please write the word "sarcasm" on a cricket bat and apply it forcibly and repeatedly to your forehead. Consider this holiday goofiness at it's best. I ultimately just want a way to brag about my back massaging skills.

"Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions."

- Woody Allen