Motivation

It's a funny thing, motivation. It seems so simple, yet proves itself thoroughly elusive to so many.

As many of you who read this blog will know, I'm neck-deep in my year-end report right now. And this thing is huge; it basically decides whether I stay in my Ph.D. for two more years or flunk out and get deported. It's easily in the top three most important documents of my educational life. I had this entire weekend earmarked to getting it done.

And I've done.... nothing. Well not quite nothing, but not far off. On Saturday, I went to the gym, I helped Sabrina edit her dissertation and Dan and I worked on some stuff for debating. So at least then, I had a somewhat legitimate excuse for my non-productivity, though in reality, there were many hours I could've (and clearly should've) been working.

But today? Other than grocery shopping, and some cleanup around the house, I've done almost nothing of value. I've watched episode after episode of Friends, each time telling myself this would be the last one. I've done cleanup around the house that really didn't need to be done (I swear, my house is never cleaner than when I've got something huge due!).

I wish I knew why I can't focus. This thing is huge; it literally is a lynch pin towards my future. And yet, every time I sit down at the keyboard to do some more writing, I do something unrelated, and unproductive. I want to get this done; I'm just tired. And for some reason, I just can't get down to it. And I wish I knew why. Because I have no real excuse. Yeah, I'm tired, yeah I've got some other stuff on my mind, but so what? This is nothing new for myself or anyone else. There must be some deeper reason. However, until I can find that reason, I just need to sack up and get this done. I just wish I could do so as easily I can talk about doing so.